Heaven's Mirror
by Sorry Please Try Again Later
Summary: Akane's made a wish and the god of war must fulfill that wish. Will they kill each other before the end of the week or will they work things out... (by: Allyn Yonge)
1. Chapter 1

Heaven's Mirror by Allyn Yonge

* * *

_Ranma is the God of Manly Virtues, and a complete pain in the rear. He's certainly not the favourite of Amaterasu as she makes pointedly clear to him. She thinks he needs a wife, and she's going to get him one. There is one that Ranma would like, but Verdhandi is way to good for him in everyone's opinion except his own. He's not even allowed off the Kami plane to pursue her. Well, there may be a way, and a quick trip to the Goddess Helpline offices has him taking a trip to earth to grant a wish. Once that's done he'll be free to go to see Verdhandi for a bit before going home. Unfortunately the wish is to Akane..._

* * *

Tall and golden, like a living flame, she moved through the ancient forest with quicksilver grace, stopping underneath a tree that had been old when the Ainu people discovered agriculture. "Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no- Miketo-attend me!"

"Auntie Ama," the lithe figure dropped lightly from the top of an ancient pine, "How wonderful to see-" the welcoming smile faded as the tall, regal woman stared silently at him, golden eyes burning with tightly controlled fury. Under the force of that gaze his knee slowly bent, until he knelt with his forehead pressed to the ground in front of her sandalled foot.

"Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami, Daughter of Izanagi, Ruler of the Plain of Heaven, Sun Behind the Rock, Light of the World... I, Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Miketo, Son of... of" perhaps _that_ relationship was better left unsaid

"God of Manly Virtue, great you, and beg your merciful indulgence to allow my unworthy self into your august and holy presence."

Silence, that stretched on and on, as if the Sun Goddess had not quite made up her mind whether she wanted his "Manly Virtue" medium-rare or extra-crispy.

"Very prettily done, Son of Su-sa-no-oh." She answered at last, and Ran-Ma winced. She only recalled his relationship to her brother when she was _really_ pissed. If he were lucky, she might just incinerate him in a ball of fire.

Painful, but quick and he'd regenerate. Eventually. On the other hand, Auntie Ama, would cherish a grudge for years, carefully tending to it to make sure it grew up strong and healthy, taking it out every now and then to show it off to friends and relatives.

No one but complete psychotic with a death-wish,(or his father) wanted to get on _her_ "To-Be-Fucked-with-a- Fireball-Before-Brunch" list.

"Thank you, Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami, Daughterof Izanagi, Ruler of the Plain of Heaven-"

"Are you going to recite _all_ of my titles each time you speak to me?" she asked in a neutral tone.

"As your Magnificence wishes," he said carefully.

Despite his parentage, no one had ever accused him of having a death wish. His sanity, however, was still in question in many quarters.

" _Your Magnificence_ wishes you to stand up. I'm tired of looking at the top of your head."

With the grace of a dancer he rose to his feet, and with a flourish of his cape, made a jaunty half-bow. She might decide at any instant he made a better charcoal briquette than a god, but at least he could go out with style.

"Do you know what this is," Ran-Ma started at the seeming non-sequitur as the sun goddess produced a sun- baked clay tablet, covered with cuneiform writing. "Or this?"

A beautifully woven tapestry was next, all green and red and blue, covered with a swirling script that seemed alive. "Or this perhaps?" A reed scroll followed, lined with stark angular lines that seemed to shiver with sullen brooding intensity.

"Complaints," the sun goddess answered for him.

"From Vishnu," she held up the reed scroll, "from Pwyll, Prince of Dyved in Annwuyn," she held out the tapestry, "from Gilgamesh in Ur ... " she glanced at the crumbling tablet. "There haven't been any worshipers in Ur since the fall of Sumeria. Do you have any _idea_ what it takes to rouse the gods of Lost Ur from their slumber?"

Ran-Ma had an uneasy feeling he knew where this was heading.

"She looked so lonely-" he started to defend himself.

"Did I ask you a question?" The sun goddess flared in anger, forcing Ran-Ma back a step.

"Quetzalcoatl has been roaring and shedding feathers all over my floor since this morning, Artemis and Diana are throwing dice in the kitchen, to decide who gets your head over their mantel and who gets ... other parts," Ran-Ma turned a little green and his knees closed involuntarily, a fact Ama-Tera-Suu noted with a tiny, hidden, smile.

"In fact, about the only one I _haven't_ heard from yet, are the Rapa Nui, and I expect the only reason I haven't had one of those stone Moai tracking dirt across my floor, is that they've been _extinct_ for twelve thousand years!"

Ran-Ma decided this _might_ not be the time to bring up the fact that he'd found some survivors of the lost race of Easter Island. Delightful creatures, very shy and friendly who often greeted strangers wearing nothing more than a flower and a smile. Unfortunately, there'd been a serious blossom shortage when he'd first found them so it had taken extensive... research... before he completely understood all their customs.

"You are a young god," Ama-Tera-Suu continued, glancing at him in an exasperated way that made him wonder if she could read his mind, "and everyone has tried to make allowances. But," she continued sternly, "you are the God- of-Manly-Virtues and it's time you realized that there are more virtues than fighting and fornicating," She stepped back, eyeing his beautiful masculine form with a knowing eye, "no matter how skilled you may be in their exercise."

Ran-Ma had the grace to blush.

"I think it is time you were married... "

"MARRIED!" If she'd said 'drawn-and-quartered' he couldn't have been more horrified. "I'm not... you can't... there isn't anyone... " he stuttered to a confused halt, realizing who he was talking too. She could have him married to a tree-stump if she wanted. And make him like it.

"There is no need to make a decision immediately," she continued, relenting slightly, and a little amused at his horrified reaction. "but as the God-of-Manly-Virtues it is especially important that you find balance in your realm of responsibility. As a single god, your Yang will become concentrated, rigid and destructive. Instead of strengthening Manly-Virtues in the mortal realm, you will produce grotesque distortions."

"I... I bow to your superior wisdom, Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami," he responded, mind racing to find some way to divert her from this _dangerous_ line of thought. "With your surpassing wisdom as my guide and your beauty as my inspiration I feel certain I will be able to mend my ways."

Ama-Tera-Suu smiled benignly down on him and pinched his cheek with two delicate fingers, scorching his flesh to the bone. "Do not think to deceive me, little godling," she said in cool tones.

With supreme effort of will he remained on his feet, fighting off waves of blackness that washed over him, keeping his face expressionless.

"Your father already holds the place of 'Lord-of-Snakes-and-Storms'," her tone was still neutral, but her eyes held the promise of pain and death. "a second Impetuous-Male would be... redundant." With this not very veiled warning the Ruler of the Plain of Heaven, Light of the World vanished.

Holding himself erect for a moment more, after she vanished, Ran-Ma fought to repair the damage to his godly flesh. Slowly... slowly, the hole that had been seared in his face was filled with new bone and flesh. Hardest of all was quenching the smoldering ember of sun-fire that Ama-Tera-Suu had left behind in the wound, and the effort left him weak and shaking.

"Friend Ran-Ma," the gravely base rumbled across the small clearing like a distant thunderstorm, "it is good to see you."

"Hello, Andvari," The approaching figure had skin the colour of weathered mahogany and a bristling night-black beard that hung past his iron belt. "What mischief are you up to?"

"Mischief?" Eyes like chips of flint glinted merrily, "Can't I just come to visit a friend?"

"All of your friends are dead," Ran-Ma countered, feeling his strength returning slowly, "in Hel-gard, or both."

"Ah, friend Ran-Ma, you wound me." the Svartalfar smiled broadly, revealing a mouth full of blunt, yellow teeth.

"I was passing and heard what the beautiful Ama-Tera-Suu had to say. I thought I would offer my congratulations on your coming nuptials."'

"I ain't getting married," Ran-Ma muttered sullenly, the pain in his cheek and the knowledge that his humiliation had been witnessed made his tongue careless.

"I don't see how you can avoid it," the black-elf said sympathetically, "and there is no shame in being afraid of so senior a goddess."

"I ain't afraid of her," Ran-Ma retorted, "And I'm not gonna get married!"

"Ahhh... of course not."

Ran-Ma flushed at the soothing tone, as if he were a fractious child.

"I'm not gettin' married, an' she can't make me."

"No ... no, of course not,"the master of Stone-Lodge- Forge-Beneath-Copper-Mountain agreed, sympathetically, "no one can make you do anything you don't want to do."

Ran-Ma gave a jerky nod of agreement, knowing full well that the dwarfish master-smith was just trying to cheer him up. One of the things he liked best about the old rock-eater was his unfailing good humor. That and a capacity for lager that exceeded his own.

"Marriage will be good for you," Andvari rubbed his hooked nose with a blunt finger tip, grinning slyly at his young friend. "A wife will make sure you have a good breakfast each morning, keep you from drinking too much and getting into fights and make sure you don't stay out late at night."

The God-of-Manly-Virtues looked as if he'd bitten into something sour as the black-elf enumerated the treats in store for him.

"It pains me to see you so distressed," Andvari pulled a heavy brown bottle from a pocket of his leather apron and popped the cap off with a thick nail, black with soot from his forge. "drink, and forget your troubles for a while." He produced glasses from the same pocket and poured the full of a rich nutty lager.

"You're a good friend," Ran-Ma sighed, downing half his mug in a single gulp. "If you were a woman, I'd marry you."

"Ha!" The dwarvish-smith slapped Ran-Ma on the back, "perhaps I should ask Ama-Tera-Suu what kind of dowry she will accept." The black-elf convulsed in laughter as Ran-Ma sprayed a mouth-full of beer halfway across the clearing.

"Don't even _think_ it," Ran-Ma shuddered. "Auntie Ama _might_ decide to take you up on the offer."

"Then perhaps you'd better come up with some suggestions of your own," Andvari offered seriously. "otherwise who knows what you'll end up with? Some nagging shrew or some insipid bit of fluff who clings and cries and hasn't a bit of backbone." Andvari shuddered, burying his face in his mug.

"No," Ran-Ma appeared much struck by the thought, "no I wouldn't want that. Thank you for your advice."

"I am always glad to help a friend," Andvari smiled, an expression that gave him a vaguely vulpine look. "I'm always glad to help a friend."

* * *

"If you're looking for Lofn, she's gone to Innsbrook with Ull. Something about... new powder?"

"Why Freyja!" Cobalt-blue half-cape swirling, the slender, beautiful boy turned and bowed slightly in greeting, turning the commonplace courtesy into an erotic invitation.

"How could you even _think_ I would have any interest in _her_, while I'm in the presence of the very essence of Beauty and Passion." He somehow managed to simultaneously imbue the words with both reverence and a smoky sensuality. "And may I say how beautiful you are looking today?" He flashed a smile and, despite eons of experience, the stately goddess of love and fertility felt her knees weaken. Sternly calling her knees (and other parts) to order, she planted herself firmly in front of the door to the Y.G.G.D.R.A.S.I.L system.

"Don't you 'Why Freyja' me, Ame-no-Tokotaoki- Ran-Ma-no-Mikoto. I'm not falling for any of your tricks."

"Tricks?" She only used his full name when she was serious. But, while she was a senior Mother Goddess and eons stronger than he was, she was also only a woman. He looked at her through innocent ice-blue eyes, framed by thick curly lashes. "You wound me Freyja-sama." He took one of her hands in his, gently as if holding a precious treasure, and pressed his lips to her palm. "You know I would never try to trick you."

Heat flashed up her arm as if she'd been branded and his low sensuous voice made her feel as if a cat (a large, lazy, self-satisfied Tom) was stropping itself across her bones.

Momentarily paralyzed by sensory overload she stood still as "Heavenly-Eternal-Wild-Horse-God" passed through theportal leading to the central computer and vanished.

Freyja shook off her paralysis as the God-of-Manly-Virtues vanished with a pop of displaced aether. A string of vile oaths spilled from her lips as she realized he'd done it to her _again_! Then she realized the unpredictable, egotistical and licentious god was loose in the central control system.

Not that he cared one whit about the terrible energies contained in the master control. No, it was all those unprotected, Tuatha De Danaan, Valkyrie, Dryad and other comely females who ran and maintained The System that interested him. Paling at the memory of the last time he'd gained access to the system (they'd lost half the world-force to unplanned pregnancies) she hurried to find Heimdall and give the alarm.

* * *

"Hello ,little one," the athletic male lounged negligently against one edge of her console. "What is your name?"

"Oh!" the tiny dryad squealed and jumped at the unexpected presence. "Ame-no-Tok-"

He pressed a finger to her lips and her whole body tingled at the contact. "Call me Ran-Ma, little one."

"Oh... but I couldn't-"

He smiled and she felt her insides go all warm and squishy. "But you _can_ ... all my _special_ friends do."

"A... all right... R... Ran-Ma. M... my name is Gna."She smiled tremulously, the expression highlighting her fox-like features.

"That's a pretty name," he decided to turn down his smile a notch, before the little dryad collapsed from heart-failure. "Now, what important work do they have you doing today?"

"It's nothing important Ame-no ... I mean Ran-Ma," she corrected, blushing as he winked at her. "I just keep track of traffic crossing the Biofrost Bridge between here and Mithgarthr."

"But that's a very important job, Gna-chan," she almost swooned as he added the affectionate ending and he swore silently to himself. If he didn't watch it, the silly little twit would go all to jelly before he could- "there are so _many_ crossings. How _do_ you keep track of it all?" A few moments later he knew much more than he ever cared to learn about scheduling algorithms, neural-net servers and fuzzy-logic predictors. More importantly, from watching her fingers fly across her key-board, he now had a level three administrative password to the system.

* * *

Ran-Ma cursed under his breath as a series of arcane runes scrolled across the monitor of the computer he had "appropriated" in an unused cubical. Earth?! How was he supposed to get to her there? Maybe he should just forget the whole thing.

"Having problems?"

"Andvari!" Ran-Ma's heart slammed into his throat at the unexpected voice.

"Hmmm... ,"The black-elf peered over Ran-Ma's shoulder. "Dear me. Earth? You're not thinking of going to Earth, are you?"

"And what if I am?" Ran-Ma said petulantly.

"You're restricted to the Kami-realm. You can't possibly go to Earth without permission." And they both knew how unlikely Ran-Ma was to be granted such permission. Kami-sama had muttered something about ice-skating in hell, the last time the subject had been broached.

"It's impossible for you to go to Earth," Andvari looked worriedly at his young friend. "and as for _that one_," he stabbed at a name on the screen with a blunt finger, "Put all such thoughts from your mind. She is not for you."

"You don't think she would be acceptable to Ama-Tera-Suu?" Ran-Ma asked, not sure which angered him more; being reminded that he was restricted to the Kami- realm, like a small child sent to his room, or being told there was a woman he couldn't have.

"Oh, _she_ is more than acceptable. It is you-" Andvari broke off suddenly. "That is ... " he fumbled for the right words, black-elves being noted for their facility in forging steel, not words.

"I'm not good enough for _her_," Ran-Ma finished with an edge to his voice. "is that what you mean?"

"She is one of the highest ranked and most respected of the Aesir," Andvir said softly. "and you are ... " He trailed off, then continued more briskly. "I will leave first to make sure the corridor is clear." With that the old smith vanished through the door.

Damn. And double damn, Ran-Ma thought. How _dare_ Andvari tell him he wasn't good enough to marry her. How _dare_ he tell him he couldn't even _go_ to Earth.

Conveniently he ignored the fact that Andvari hadn't actually said either thing.

He was a god, for Ultimate's sake. He wasn't going to go tamely to his fate. There was no reason why _he_ shouldn't choose _her_ for his bride.

Well, he thought reluctantly, perhaps there was _one_ reason. He was good, (well, the best actually, he reluctantly conceded to himself with perfect masculine modesty) but even he might find it difficult to seduce Verdandi, if he couldn't even get close enough to talk to her. He let thoughts of the innocently-earthy goddess fade to the back of his mind as he bent his intellect to the immediate problem of getting to Earth. He'd never get permission to go if he asked directly.

Not after that affair with the little farm girl a few hundred years ago. What was her name? Jean ... or was it Joan ... something like that. Those stuffy old windbags in the Christian sector had been willing to let her die a _virgin_ for Ultimate's sake. He'd done the poor little thing a favor and it hadn't made any real difference in the end. She'd still ended up a saint, while _he_ had been forbidden to leave the Kami realm for a thousand years. Shaking his head at the injustice of it all (and ignoring the fact that he was in technical violation of his sentence already) he pondered how to get around his restrictions.

"Attention please. Attention please." The pleasant melodious voice brought him out of his revere. "Will the following Valkyrie report to the Goddess Relief Office for over-time assignments... " he worried at his problem of somehow getting a pass to Earth with half his mind, while the other half wondered if the voice's owner might like to have a cup of tea with him after work.

" ... needed for immediate assignment to Mithgarthr."

Poor thing, he thought as inspiration hit him. She'd have to wait for tea with him until he returned.

* * *

"I'm not really sure I should let you do this," the husky, blond Valkyrie said nervously. "Only authorized personnel are supposed to answer calls. I don't think-"

"You shouldn't think, darlin'," his voice flowed over her like melted chocolate. "it only gives you worry lines." Ran-Ma smoothed away an imaginary line, then let his finger trail down her cheek to brush lightly against her lip. "You look like you could use a little help, handling the over-time. And I've got a password , so that makes me authorized." He winked at her as he tapped commands into the system, then settled into the seat.

Lnn pressed a trembling hand to a cheek that felt as if it had been branded by his touch. Although he was a _god_, he _did_ have a password, so it _should_ be alright. But-

"I'll have to call and clear it with my supervisor," she said, reaching for a phone.

"You do that darlin'," Ran-Ma said, in the tones of I-Would-Never-Lie-to-You-Darling-Innocence that were one of the primary Manly-Virtues. A light blinked on the phone on his desk and he reached for it, before she could stop him.

"Goddess Relief Office ... "

* * *

"Dammit! This is the number they transferred me to. I just need-NO! Don't put me on hold ... " She slammed the phone back into the cradle in disgust, as the atonal beep-beep indicated she'd been cut off. Again. Glancing at a slip of paper with a number scrawled on it she angrily punched in the digits so forcefully that one of the plastic keys flew across the room.

"Goddess Relief Off-"

"Sorry!" she snarled, "Wrong number," slamming the phone back into the cradle. She hated dealing with this. It was Nabiki's fault for not mailing the payment on time. No, she forced herself to be honest, Kasumi had asked her to pay the gas-bill in person, once they'd missed the mail-by-date. But she'd kept putting it off ,until they cut off the gas.

Kasumi hadn't fussed, just given her that _look_, the one that made her feel about three inches tall, and asked her to please see about getting the gas turned on again. It was her fault, she knew. All she had to do was get on the train and take the envelope with the payment across town... a cold sweat broke out over her body and she felt a stabbing pain as one of her headaches started.

"Hello, I'm from-"The resonate masculine voice came suddenly behind her.

A Badger-Claw back-kick shut his mouth, and a double reverse-crescent kick slammed him against the wall.

"Who are you!" Akane demanded, panting slightly from the sudden surge of adrenalin. "What are you doing in my house?"

"I am Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Mikato, from the Goddess Relief Office-" Ran-Ma started smoothly, in no wise discommoded by an attack that would have hospitalized a mere-mortal. He brushed an imaginary wrinkle from his vermillion spider-silk shirt.

"Goddess?" Akane snorted. "you're not built like any goddess I've ever heard of." She didn't drop her guard, watching the obviously dangerous lunatic closely. "You're pretty enough, though." She eyed him up and down, taking in his carefully coiffured and perfumed hair, brightly coloured clothes and jeweled bracers.

Ran-Ma flushed slightly at the contempt he saw in her eyes, and the way she backed away a step. As if the God-of-Manly-Virtues would have designs on a scruffy little mouse of a girl. She looked like a boy with that short hair and in those baggy, mud coloured clothes.

"I am _temporarily_," he stressed the word, "helping out at the office. I'm here in answer to your call."

"You're from the gas company?"

"No," Ran-Ma was starting to get annoyed. "I'm here to grant you a wish-"

This is a joke, right? Did Nabiki put you up to this?" Akane relaxed slightly, realizing that this had to be a put-up job. She had no idea what Nabiki was up to, but then she never did. She'd just have to hope it wouldn't cost too much, or be too embarrassing.

"Look, I'm sorry-really, really sorry I missed the gas payment," she gestured to the much abused phone. "I'm trying to get it straightened out now. Just tell Nabiki-"

"A wish," Ran-Ma stressed. He _had_ to grant this mortal's wish before the System would release him to return to the Kami plane. "Just tell me what you want." Of course, there was no rule on exactly _when_ he had to return. Which would give him plenty of time to find Verdandi and make her his bride.

"Right," Akane snorted, "Like if I wished for a billion yen ... "

"Money is no prob-"

"Or world peace, or to end world hunger-"

"Well, strictly speaking we're only supposed to-"

"But why be small minded," Akane paced angrily back and forth, her voice rising with each word. "why not wish to be Empress of Japan-"

"Actually," sweat beaded his upper lip and he resisted an urge to wipe it off. "the Goddess Relief Office is only supposed to grant _local_ wishes."

" -or Empress of the World!" Akane spread her arms dramatically wide, ignoring Ran-Ma.

Crap. The System would _force_ him to grant any wish in his power, but he could _imagine_ what they would do if he violated the space-time continuum to make this little mouse Empress of the World. They'd flayed his father alive and rolled him in salt, just for throwing a dead horse into Aunt Amaterasu's sewing room. (and killing one of her serving ladies, when a scissor had pierced her groin. Though, privately he'd always suspected the piercing had been done by an entirely different sort of tool. Daddy always had been a randy sort) which would be a child's prank compared to re-writing future history on _this_ scale. Plus, he'd be filling out paper-work until two weeks after the heat-death of this universe. Which would be a real waste of Manly-Virtue.

"I don't think you'd be happy as Empress," he countered hastily. "All those cabinet meeting ... always worrying about war and assassination-"

"Can't you make me Empress?" she asked in a mock- sorrowful tone that made him decide to _grant_ that wish, just to whip that smug look off her face. She didn't pause long enough for him to get a wish in edgewise.

"Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for a billion yen-"

"Certainly-"

"And getting the gas turned back on-"

"Not a prob-"

"And while you're at it, maybe you can do something about my headache!"

"Gladly," Anything. He'd grant _all_ of them, just to be away from the annoying little shrew.

"But you know what I really, _really_ want!" She stalked close, punching him in the chest with an index finger.

"YES!" he snapped. "That's what I've been telling you. Just tell me what you want-"

"What I _want_," she jabbed him in the chest, pushing him back a step. "Is for over-bred-"

Punch.

"Overdressed-"

"Hey!" Just because _she_ was a dowdy little mouse who couldn't recognize Manly-Elegance when she saw it ...

"Lazy, good for nothing ... "

Punch.

He was getting _really_ tired of her pretending he was a pin cushion. It didn't hurt of course, it was the principle of the thing.

"Pampered, rich-"

Punch.

"Over-SEXED-"

Punch.

He was _not_ over-sexed, he was simply blessed with an abundance of Manly-Virtue.

"College boys ... " she said in a tone of voice normally associated with describing slimy bits of rot found under a rock, "that don't have anything better to do than play stupid jokes-"

"This isn't a joke!" he protested.

"Don't have any idea about the real world!" she continued, ignoring him as if her were part of the furniture.

"Don't care that _some_ people have to worry about the gas bill-"

Punch.

"About that bill, I can help-"

Punch.

"Cram school, passing entrance exams-"

"Entrance exams are a speciality-"

Punch!

"What I _wish_ for-"

Punch.

Here it comes-at last-he thought. One entrance exam coming up.

"I wish that an arrogant little piss-ant like you-,"

PUNCH!

"-knew what it was like to live in the _real_ world, like me!"

Oh...

The Ultimate grabbed him, like a terrier grabs a rat.

Crap...

Glowing like burnished gold the God-of-Manly-Virtue rose into the air, his beautiful clothes billowing in a hurricane wind that affected only him.

**GRANTED**

Akane skipped back a half dozen paces, squinting her eyes against the golden light. Her ears rang, as an inhumanly piercing voice resonated in her bones. The light faded and she opened her eyes to see Ran-Ma settle gently to the ground. Strange. He looked... smaller than he had before. And were those-

Ran-Ma shook off the nausea that always came from dealing with the Ultimate, feeling weaker than normal and strangely off-balance. He pressed his hands to his aching temples, then jerked them away as if he'd been burned. He stared at the small, soft-alien-digits, then looked down at his chest which felt... heavy.

"Ahhhh... " the tiny sound passed his lips involuntarily as he ripped open his shirt. Breasts. As lovely a pair as he'd ever seen.

"AAAhhhh," His Manly-Virtue! He pulled open his pants ...

A shrill soprano scream started dogs barking in Hokkaido.

* * *

"NO! Don't put me on hold ... " A brass and string rendition of "Yesterday" came tinnily through the ear-piece.

"I hate it when they do that," Akane said sympathetically to the petite red-head, clenching the phone in a white-knuckled grip. "And they always have the _worst_ music."

Ran-Ma ignored Akane, drumming his (well, technically "her") fingers on the wall while he waited.

"Hello! Yes. Yes... .listen there's been some kind of mix-what do you mean 'it's already logged in the system!' I'm the God-of-Manly-Virtue!" his shouted comment caused an interesting, but less than manly, ripple effect under his shirt. "

That's 'Manly' virtue. Not FE-manly. I want to speak to your supervisor... yes... yes... no. No, of course not. Of course I do. No, of course I don't-but... but... thanks," he slammed the phone down, "for nothin'!"

"This is all YOUR fault!" he snapped at the short, now taller than her by several inches, dark haired girl.

"MY fault!" Akane straightened from where she'd been leaning against the wall. "How is it MY fault that YOU broke into MY house -"

"YOU called the bloody Goddess Relief Office-"

"It was a wrong number, for goodness sake!"

"Then you made that _stupid_ wish!"

"I thought it was a joke!" she protested.

"Do _these_ look like a joke," he tore open his shirt.

"Don't you have any feminine modesty!" she jerked his shirt closed again.

"I'm NOT feminine!"

Akane stared at evidence to the contrary, causing Ran-Ma to flush angrily.

"Besides, I thought you were a god? Can't you just wish 'em away or something?"

"It doesn't work that way!"

"Why not?" Akane asked, not unreasonably.

"Because ... " a sudden thought came to him.

Narrowing his eyes, his brow furrowed in concentration. His body seemed to shimmer and flow, like a Polaroid picture developing. The tiny red-head grew, becoming taller and more muscular, until the original God-of-Manly-Virtue stood before her.

"There. That... that's better," he paled, swaying as if standing on the deck of a rolling ship.

Concerned, Akane jumped to catch him before he could hit the floor. His arms snapped around her like a striking serpent, pinning her arms to her sides, while warm godly lips pressed against hers. She opened her mouth to curse him, which proved to be a tactical blunder.

With an ease born from eons of practicing Manly-Virtue he took advantage of her opening, probing, caressing... seducing. He felt her body soften, becoming pliant-

"Way to go, sis. Didn't know you had it in you."

"My baby girl is getting married!"

He jerked away, the sudden shock almost causing him to loose control. His body shimmered, like a pool of water disturbed by a thrown pebble and he quickly stabilized his form with a force of will.

"PERVERT!" the sudden right cross caught him by surprise, sending him skidding across the floor, stopping only when he hit the wall.

"Did you remember to pay the gas bill?" Kasumi stepped over his prone body to fill the kettle with water.

"Welcome to the family son," Soun bent to grasp his hand, shaking it heartily. "You can be married Tuesday."

"Married!" two voices coursed, in stereo.

"To _her_!"

"To _that_!"

There was no discernible difference in the loathing in each voice.

"Dinner is going to be late," Kasumi announced. "the gas still isn't on."

Akane flushed at the non-accusation in her sisters tone. "I was trying to get it taken care of when-"

"Allow me, gentle flower," Kasumi blushed a delicate pink as Ran-Ma rose gracefully from the floor and taking her hand, kissed it. "I have a way with fire."

"It's not broken," Akane groused. "The _gas_ has been turned off. You can't fix-"

A bright blue flame erupted under the kettle. "Such a sweet face should never be marred by worry lines." Ran-Ma said, smiling at Kasumi who lowered her head shyly, peeping at him from under her lashes.

"You son-of-a bitch," Akane yanked Ran-Ma around to face her, "take your hands off my sister."

"Akane!" Kasumi's voice had an uncommon edge to it. "Apologize to our guest at once."

"Yeah sis," Nabiki eyed Ran-Ma, mentally tallying the retail-value of his clothes and jewels, becoming almost orgasmic as the figures continued to rise. "apologize to the nice man."

"Do not shame me further, daughter," Soun pontificated. "You have obviously been hiding your... relationship... " he smiled benignly at Ran-Ma, more than satisfied at the fine manly figure he presented. "and you further compound your error by rudeness to a guest and harsh language in front of your sisters."

"Relationship!" Akane sputtered. "There's no relationship. This creep just came into the house and-"

Soun cut her off with an upraised hand and a stern look. "Apologize, daughter. At once."

"Apologize?" Akane grated, feeling the pressure swell behind her eyes and tears of rage start to fall down her cheeks. "I'm sorry you're a son-of-a bitch!" She spat at Ran-Ma, then spun to glare at her family. "Satisfied!" Without waiting for a reply she ran from the room, the slamming of a door signaling her departure from the house.

* * *

"HAAA!" The chi-shout was accompanied by the crashing of masonry and a cloud of dust.

"I could have taken care of the gas," muttering under her breath she dragged three more concrete blocks into position. "I _could_ have-" angrily she dashed tears from her eyes and focused on the three block stack.

"HAAA!" Her fist drove through the stack, as if it were tissue. Head still throbbing she wrestled more concrete into a cleared space behind the doujou, next to the "wooden- man" she used to practice strikes and blocks.

"You'll break your hand if you try that many at once." the unexpected voice caused her to lose focus and her hand hit the stone with a crack of bone, and rebounded, leaving the concrete undamaged.

"What... what are you doing here?" She clenched her jaw against the pain, unwilling to let _him_ see her cry.

"I'm stuck here," he said sourly, "Thanks to your wish."

"Don't blame _me _for your problems!" She swung at him, missing as he danced out of the way, to let her sprawl in the dirt.

"Temper, temper," his laughing tone enraged her further. "You wanted me to know how you lived," he shrugged, "so here I am."

"That doesn't make a bit of sense." She scrambled to her feet as a new thought made her frown fiercely. "You were a girl... weren't you?"

"Part of the way the Ultimate interpreted your wish. Walking a mile in your shoes, sort of thing."

"Or brassier, in your case." she snapped. "What kind of pervert are you?"

"I'm not a pervert!" Ran-Ma retorted hotly, taking a step toward her. This little _mouse_ made him so angry!

"Oh?" Her disbelief was patent. "Then what were you doing kiss... trying to kiss me," she said hastily.

"Kissing," he corrected smoothly. "and you weren't fighting very hard." he watched her face cloud over with amusement, "but that's how I recharge."

"Huh?"

"I had to basically build myself a new body," he indicated his male self with a graceful gesture. "but I can't access the Ultimate directly from the mortal plane." He noted her blank look and elaborated. "It takes power, a lot of it, to create something from nothing, which was almost what I had to do to get my old body back." he frowned at the memory of being _female_ for even a few moments. "But there are restrictions on using the Ultimate... " He drummed his fingers impatiently on his thigh as Akane struggled to understand what he was saying.

"Look," stupid, he didn't say, but Akane flushed at his tone. "You want a car to run, you've got to put gas in the tank... you want a lamp to light, you've got to plug it into the wall. The Ultimate is the power that runs the universe.

But I can't just plug directly into the Ultimate while I'm on the Mortal Plane, the power leakage alone would probably melt this island. When we're granting wishes," he answered her unspoken question. "there's special safe-guards already in place. But normally I can only tap the Ultimate _indirectly_, to recharge after a major working."

"What's that got to do with-"

"Kissing you?" Ran-Ma smiled, "That's how I restore my depleted energy. Every god has a different way to get energy while on the mortal plane, eating certain foods, performing rituals-"

"I'm not the damn energizer bunny," Akane snarled, finally understanding what the god was saying. "You need a recharge, go stick your head in a light socket!"

"Don't worry,"Ran-Ma frowned at the angry girl. "I think I can... restrain myself, when I'm around a little mouse like you." He glanced at the setting sun. "In the meantime, I've got some errands to run." He visualized Varandi and, conjuring a fire, stepped into it, fire and god vanishing.

"And good riddance," Akane muttered, sucking on her bruised knuckles.

"You should put some ice on that, before it swells," the hateful voice sounded in her head.

"You... you... you BOY!" she sputtered, having long since run out of things to call him. She kicked angrily at the ground, yelping as she bruised her toe, growling impotently, as his mocking laughter faded into the night.

* * *

Lofn: Norse goddess of Illicit Unions

Ull: Norse god of skiing and archery.

Verdandi: one of the Norns. Belldandy with Japanese pronunciation.

* * *

Note from Contributor:

As requested by Armichi.

I would've placed this is the crossover section, but upon reading the entirety of this incomplete fic, there isn't that much _Ah my Goddess!_ character presence anyway (Only here in chapter 1). And If I did put this in the crossover section, there's an extremely small chance of someone reading this.


	2. Chapter 2

Heaven's Mirror by Allyn Yonge

* * *

"What is _he_ doing here!?" Akane said in tones of loathing, standing stock still as she saw the figure sitting down to breakfast the next morning. Sitting in _her_ place!

"And where else would your fiancée be?" the Tendou patriarch intoned solemnly.

"Fiancée!? I'm not marrying-"

"Your honored father," Ran-Ma smoothly interjected, "has graciously allowed me time to prepare a grand wedding," he bowed deeply toward Soun who returned the gesture, though not as deeply," as is only proper, to honor so noble a family. The wedding, therefore, will have to be put back a while."

Akane ground her teeth together as she watched her father wallow in Ran-Ma's shameless flattery. And she could see that Nabiki was already spending, in her mind, the gifts of money that were supposed to go to the bride and groom.

"Eat your breakfast before it gets cold," Kasumi gently chided, even as she slid another large portion of miso and rice in front of Ran-Ma. On their best china, Akane noted sourly.

"Try to bear up under the disappointment, darling." Ran-Ma smiled sweetly at her, even as Kasumi selected a bit of fish and popped it into his mouth.

"Why you-" anger choked off her words, as Ran-Ma rose to his feet.

"Time for school," he deposited a chaste kiss on Kasumi's cheek, causing the eldest Tendou daughter to colour prettily. "Thank you for a wonderful meal, Kasumi-san." He pressed another salute on the middle-daughter's cheek and Akane was flabbergasted to see her cynical sibling melt like a Hershey-bar, left too long in the sun. "And I appreciate you're telling me all about my new school."

"I… I was happy to do it, Saotome-san," Nabiki stuttered.

"Ran-Ma, please," the godling husked. "It's Ran-Ma, to my …special friends."

"I think I'm going to puke," Akane surged from her seat and headed for the door, grabbing her book-bag on the way.

"Wait, Akane," Soun ordered. "It's your duty to show your fiancée‚ the way to school."

"Let his 'special friend" show him the way!" Akane snapped, storming out of the house. "Maybe she'll sell him to some gypsies on the way." She muttered to herself as she trotted down the street. A girl could always dream.

* * *

"Get away from me," Akane glared up at the figure dancing along the fence top.

"You're supposed to show me the way to school, Akane-chan." Ran-Ma grinned nastily down at her.

"Don't call me that." She retorted. "Don't even speak to me you ..." she trailed off as a thought came to her. "What are you doing going to school? You're a god. And how did you even get registered?"

"The Ultimate Power," Ran-Ma shrugged. "Part of learning how you live, I guess. Even gave me a family name. Sao-to-me," he pronounced, "Pretty spiffy, huh."

"I don't know you. Don't speak to me, don't look at me. We've never met."

"Gonna be kind of hard to do," Ran-Ma dropped lightly to the ground beside her, facing her as he walked backwards, "since I'm sitting next to you in class."

"WHAT! I wouldn't sit next to you if it were the only seat on the last life-boat off the Titanic!"

Whatever else Akane might have said was lost in the roar of a crowd as they passed the gates of Furinkan High School.

"Oh great," Akane moaned as she saw the gathered crowd. "Not bad enough that I've got to put up with you, senpai must be back from his retreat."

"Tendou Akane!" A tall, handsome boy, dressed in clothes almost a century out of style, strode regally toward them. "Long have I meditated in the cold lonely mountains, searching for the key to unlock thy womanly mysteries…"

"What's he talking about?" Ran-Ma glanced uneasily at the fast approaching boy. Lunatics made him nervous, since madmen and innocents were immune to many godly-powers.

"I said 'No', when Kunou-senpai asked me for a date last year. Since he's Kami-sama's gift to women," her lip twisted as if she'd bitten into something sour, " he's convinced that it's his duty to _save_ me, by 'unlocking my womanly mysteries'." She looked askance at Ran-Ma. "I don't suppose you two are related?"

"Are you comparing _me_, "Ran-Ma was genuinely horrified, "with… with _that_!" his voice ended on a rising note, almost a squeak.

"Well, you both spend more time on your hair and clothes than I do," she threw over her shoulder as she walked away, hoping to avoid the helpful ministrations of her senpai "And you've both got egos the size of Fuji-sama."

"Now wait just a minute," Ran-Ma grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to a stop. "You can't seriously mean that you think there is any resemblance between me and that… posturing braggart?"

Before Akane could respond, with an answer the God-of-Manly-Virtue _might_ not appreciate, Kunou Tatewaki interrupted.

"Hold, foul interloper!" Kunou's bokken leapt into his hand. "By what right do you lay hands on the frozen-spirit beauty, whose's every womanly instinct cries out for the fires of love to warm her heart, the hidden-beauty Tendou Akane, known also as the Frost-Hearted-Princess-of-Furinkan-High."

"Frost-Hearted-Princess?" Ran-Ma queried, tilting his head to one side as he examined her more closely.

"It's not my fault," Akane muttered, flushing with embarrassment. "Once he gets an idea to actually penetrate his thick skull, it's stuck forever."

"But wait, it is the custom to give one's name before a duel."

"Duel?" Ran-Ma looked at Kuno, then at Akane, raising an eyebrow as if to say 'does he mean me?'

"Mine will I give first… Be it known to all that I am Kunou Tatewaki, age 17, rising young star of the kendou world, known also as-" he paused dramatically, posing so that his profile was highlighted by the rising sun "The Crimson Comet of Furinkan High!"

"Crimson Comet?" Ran-Ma mouthed silently.

"Don't ask," Akane hid her face in her hands as the rest of the student body formed a ring around the trio. "Before he left for the mountains to concentrate his chi through meditation, he was the 'Blazing Bronze Bullet'."

"Before that, it was the 'Flashing Flame of Heaven'." Someone offered helpfully from the crowd.

"Nah, that was in middle school," someone else corrected. "The 'Devine Blade of Justice', came before the 'Bronze Bullet'."

"Ummm… well, I… .uhhh…" He looked helplessly at Akane.

"Saotome," she prompted, rolling her eyes at him.

"Saotome Ran-Ma, and I accept your challenge."

Let's see the little mouse girl ignore him once she got a look at his fighting prowess. No woman could resist having a man fight over her. He tossed her his book bag and shrugged off the jacket Kasumi had insisted he wear, fearful he might take a chill in the morning air. He was gratified to hear gasps of admiration, both male, as well as the expected female, as his perfect physique was exposed to the common gaze. He was less gratified to see Akane taping her foot, impatiently, glancing from her watch to the front door of the school, as if he were a fractious child that needed to be humored.

"I attack!" Kunou rushed forward, bokken at high guard, hilt held slightly above his brow, blade angled back.

Ran-Ma watched him come, to his godly sight the kendoist was moving as if mired in glue. As the clumsy oaf took his final step, blade just starting to descend for his strike, Ran-Ma stepped aside, pushing the young kendoist with just a fraction of his strength. A fraction was more than sufficient to send Kuno sprawling, sliding along the ground for a good ten meters.

With reflexes honed by a life-time of training, Kunou rolled to his feet, spinning to face an expected assault, bokken perfectly positioned to defend or attack.

"A worthy foe!" Kuno cried, eyes lighting with the joy of battle. "All the better to dedicate to my heart-sleeping princess." Blade weaving a complicated butterfly-pattern Kunou lunged at Ranma.

The godling twisted aside, hands lashing out in a swift double strike that staggered the kendoist. Kuno shook off the blows, turning to attack once more. And again, and again. Each time Ran-Ma ignored his best efforts, as if Kunou were a clumsy child, replying with contemptuous slaps that none-the-less staggered the boy and left him dazed and bleeding.

"Give up?" Ran-Ma, watched Kunou drag himself to his feet, wiping a smear of blood from his face where the gravel had cut it.

"I... I fight on!" Kuno gasped, holding his blade one handed, the other arm having lost all feeling two assaults earlier.

Ran-Ma dismissed the reply as empty posturing. The mortal was completely done up.

Kunou Tatewaki had been handed his first blade before he could walk. It was as much a part of him as his hands or feet and every one of a thousand possible moves or counter-moves were burned indelibly into his nervous system. Sight beyond seeing, saw Ran-Ma relax his guard slightly, the minutest hole in his defense and a hundred generations of samurai spirit, born and bred, drove his blade through that hole with all the precision his torn muscles and bruised bones could deliver.

The God-of-Manly-Virtue flinched as the wooden blade slapped him lightly against one cheek. It was a match- ending strike, and someone in the crowed tittered at the look of shocked surprise on his face.

"Not good enough," he growled, furious at being laughed at. The air seemed to burn around him as he drove Kunou back with a furious flurry of blows that, while still only a fraction of his godly strength, were still more than enough to overwhelm any mere mortal.

"That's enough!" An angry voice barked in his ear, while a hand grasped his shoulder in a futile attempt to stop him. He shrugged off the hand and continued to drive Kunou back.

"Dammit! I said stop," Akane threw herself in front of Kunou, flinching as Ranma just barely held back a blow that would have smashed her nose. She threw a withering glance at him, her contempt moving him back as her muscles never could, then bent to examine the beaten kendoist.

"I... I am defeated..." Kunou gasped, face grey with the shock of his beating, but more from the shock of having been beaten so easily and completely.

"No, you're not senpai, "Akane pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at a cut above his eye. "You got in a good, solid hit."

"B... but... he," Kuno swallowed and tried again, looking at Akane with stricken eyes, "He beat me easily. I failed you."

"You got past his defenses once," Akane smiled gently at the beaten boy. "You got in a strike against a...,"she started to say god, then hastily corrected herself. "against the finest marital artist in the world. No one could have done better, few could have done as well."

His eyes brightened and he seemed to swell with pride. "Truly, thou art a treasure among women. I... I rededicate myself to thy service. And vow to train, neither bathing nor cutting my hair, nor changing my raiment, until I have skill sufficient to defeat yon interloper." He started to his feet, then sank back. "but first, I shall take a short nap."

Akane watched several members of the Kendou club carry Kunou toward the nurse's office, then started for her class.

"Sorry I beat up your lover," Ran-Ma said snidely, as he moved up beside her.

"He is _not_ my lover!" Akane snapped, "Don't compare me with your perverted self."

"The way you defended him, I figured you two had to have a... special... relationship."

"Relationship?" Akane snorted, "Kuno is like a splinter. Irritating as hell and impossible to get rid of."

"Then why defend him?" Ran-Ma asked, genuinely puzzled, yet unable to doubt the sincerity of her tone. "if you don't like him?"

"I don't particularly like Kunou," she gave Ran-Ma a hard look as they trotted up the stairs to Akane's classroom. "But I _despise_ bullies."

"Bullies!" Ran-Ma jerked her up short, dropping her arm when she just stared at him without speaking. "I am _not_ a-"

"You're a _god_!" she hissed, "Kunou didn't stand a chance against you. No one would. But you just played with him. Didn't avoid the fight, or finish it cleanly. You dragged it out, just so you could humiliate him."

"I wasn't... " he trailed off, unable to explain the complex emotions he felt, not really understanding them himself. How to explain that if just hadn't been for that _laugh_ from the crowd. If Kunou had just stayed down-

"Kunou might be an over bred, arrogant pinhead, who couldn't pour piss from a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel," Akane continued talking as she stepped off the landing and turned left toward her class, forcing Ran-Ma to take a quick hop-step to keep up. "But he's not a bully, well no more than most men," she amended, almost to herself. "And he works like hell with that bokken of his."

Ran-Ma snorted in contempt.

"Kunou set himself to fight the hundred best kendoists in Japan, one after the other, three years ago. He collapsed after number thirty eight," she looked at the god through narrowed eyes. "But he's going to keep trying until he gets through all one hundred in one go. I may not _like_ Kunou, but I admire anyone who tries with sincerity." She looked at his perfect form, not marred with the slightest ting of sweat or dirt, even after his "fight" with Kunou. "You were born a god, you've never had to _try_ to do anything in your life, have you?"

"I am the God-of -Manly-Virtue," Ran-Ma attempted to explain in a way she could understand with her limited female mind. "It is necessary for me to be... strict... in my teaching, in order that men may reach their full potential. It is difficult for you, a female," he pronounced in a tone that forgave her, her unfortunate femaleness, "To understand the rigors and discipline necessary to bring out the Manly-" he looked up to see Akane's back disappearing through a door. "HEY! Wait for me."

* * *

Akane leaned back against a tree in a corner of the school yard and rubbed her temples wearily. A dull throb behind her left eye threatened to spike into a spear of fire. She fumbled the cold bottle of stamina drink she'd just bought into her hand and rolled it against her temple with a sigh of pleasure. It had been a looong day, and it was only lunch period.

_'Go-Go-Frenzy-Quench-Supa-Gold'_ It said on the label. '_Contains Vitamins A, C, B12,B6, D, E, Royal Jelly, Ginseng, amino acids, phosphoric acid, inosinic acid, nicotine, anhydrous caffeine, all in a sweet lactose base.'_

She wasn't sure if she should drink it or use it to remove the unsightly build-up on the bathroom tiles. She unscrewed the top and took a sip. A shudder wracked her body. Tiles. Definitely.

She took another sip. It was... chewy? A quick glance at the label. '_...Kiwi Pulp_.'

Kiwi! That was a bird... no wait. It was a fruit, too. Another sip. Several hundred taste-buds committed seppuku. Maybe it was the bird after all.

Peals of feminine laughter echoed across the schoolyard. She turned her head in the direction of the sound to see a large group of girls-actually it looked like all the girls from all the grades, and maybe a few of the teachers- clustered in a loose mob.

Ran-Ma.

She took another chewy gulp of Go-Go-Frenzy-etc. It wasn't so bad this time. Maybe it was an acquired taste. Or maybe it just took several sips to completely kill all the taste buds.

A shriek brought her head whipping around, every sense on alert, only to relax as she saw one of the grade-2 girls soaring into the air, skirts billowing, as she screamed in mock-fright.

Ran-Ma.

Why was _she_ supposed to be responsible for the impossibly arrogant, infuriating boy?

Ran-Ma

Home room.

"_Hello, my name is Saotome Ranma. My hobbies are martial arts, singing, traditional and modern dance, calligraphy..._"

The list had gone on and on until Akane had wanted to bash him on general principles. The worst thing... the _very_ worst... was that the arrogant son-of-a-gun was probably as good as he thought he was.

The thought made her nauseous.

It had gotten worse. He'd charmed all the girls and become a role model for all the boys before the end of first period. Teachers were no better. One after the other they entered the room to teach, and left converts to the cult of Ran-Ma. Even Gushiken-sensei, who was sixty if she were a day, and was widely reputed to eat raw-meat and razor-blades for breakfast, and before whom even the Central School Board in Tokyo trembled in fear, had... had...

Akane shuddered in revulsion at the memory (or maybe it was the Go-Go-Frenzy) of Gushiken-sensei _giggling_, and blushing like a school-girl, as Ran-Ma composed a poem to her "sophisticated and mature" presence.

It had been a _good_ poem, Akane admitted, grudgingly. And the calligraphy had been beautiful, she also admitted, this time with a pang of jealousy, thinking of waste-baskets full of her own muddy, blotched failures.

But, that wasn't the point. Of course Ran-Ma was perfect. He was a _god_, for Kami's sake. The rest of the class wasn't so fortunate. _They_ had entrance exams coming up, and spending the entire day admiring Ran-Ma wasn't going to help anyone pass. Especially Tendou Akane, who was determined to enter Toudai, if it killed her.

Another shriek, another girl went soaring into the air.

The idiot ought to hire himself out as an amusement park ride. She wondered exactly _which_ Manly-Virtues were covered by throwing girls into the air and catching them. At least his Devine-battery-pack would have a full charge.

The bell rang for the start of the next period and Akane packed up the remains of her bento. She got to her feet, thankful that her headache had receded to a barely noticeable pressure behind her eyes. Maybe that Go-Go-etc. actually was healthy. Anything that tasted that nasty just had to be good for you.

She made a mental note to try some the next time she had a headache, then noticed something amiss. The streams of students that should be flowing steadily off the field to their next class, weren't streaming. They were fixed in place around-

Ran-Ma.

Why did _she_ have to be responsible for the baka?

Because Ijichi-sensei said so. According to her, Akane was responsible for "orienting" Ran-Ma, staying with him until he "fit-in". Which last, Akane was quite sure, was a job she could pass on to her great-great-several-times-grandchildren. Because trying to get Ran-Ma to "fit-in" reminded Akane of a story she'd once heard about teaching a pig to sing.

She tossed her trash into a can, dusted off her uniform skirt, and headed for the gaggle of giggling girls.

Ran-Ma.

Teaching a pig to sing was dirty, thankless work that exhausted the teacher and irritated the pig.

Ran-Ma.

Who never did learn to sing.

She was both exhausted _and_ irritated, so what did that say about her?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Pushing her way through the crowd, Akane watched a chubby girl with heavy horn-rimmed glasses zoom into the sky. From the look on her face you'd think she had just won the lottery, been elected Miss Tokyo Beautiful and been adopted into the Imperial Family. Then she landed in Ran-Ma's arms, and it was clear from her look of bemused adoration that if Ran-Ma asked to cut her head off, she would run, not walk, to fetch the knife.

She almost recalled seeing the girl around the school, as she watched her zoom into the air twice more, timing the interval, before she stepped forward. The girl was a class behind Akane, and was one of those students who spend their entire high-school in quiet and rather sad anonymity, before marrying an equally bland salaryman and spending the rest of her life producing a brood of grey, unremarkable children, who also don't quite fit in. Akane hesitated a moment more, wondering if she should just walk away and leave them to their fun. Kasumi would chide her for being interfering and unfeminine. Nabiki would just tell her she was being a spoilsport.

With sudden decision she hardened her heart. Maybe the girl did have a bland life, but at least it was _her_ life, and she could make something of it, given a chance. But she wouldn't have even that chance if she wasted her life playing with Ran-Ma.

'_Little ladies don't put themselves forward_' Kasumi whispered in her ear.

'_You can't stand for anyone to have fun_' Nabiki complained.

Shaking off the voices she stepped forward, just as the chubby girl hit the apex of a throw, she extended her arms, grunting slightly with exertion as the girl slammed into her arms a moment later. It wasn't graceful and she probably would have fallen if Ran-Ma hadn't caught them both.

"Hello mouse," Ran-Ma grinned cockily at Akane as he accepted the cheers and whistles of his fans, "you want a ride?" He deposited "chubby-horn-rimmed-glasses" to one side and held out his arms invitingly. Unbidden the memory of being held in those arms, like warm bands of velvet covered steel, deliciously helpless, while gentle lips-

Angrily she shook off unwanted thoughts, being careful to avoid contact with his mesmerizing blue eyes. The baka ought to have the things registered as lethal weapons, she thought shakily.

"Mouse?" One of Ran-Ma's worshipful groupies asked, giggling. "Why do you call her Mouse?"

"She kinda reminds me of a mouse," Ran-Ma ruffled Akane's hair with a careless gesture. "with those big eyes, and the way she scurries around, poking her little nose where it doesn't belong, squeaking at every-Owwwie!" The crowd gasped as Akane grabbed Ran-Ma by the ear and dragged him away.

"Pardon me... excuse me... comin' through..." Akane plowed through the packed group of girls and boys, Ran-Ma firmly in tow as she dragged him around the corner of a building and out of sight.

"Owww," Ran-Ma rubbed his ear, scowling down at Akane. "Whatcha do _that_ for?" The god of Manly-Virtue whined petulantly.

"The bell for next period just rang..." Akane waited for Ran-Ma's blank look fade. "Class? It's time for everyone to go to the next class."

"Oh..."

Finally, Akane thought. It was difficult to believe anyone could compete with Kuno-senpai for the title of worlds-most-self-absorbed-boy, but Ran-Ma was giving him stiff competition.

" ...that junk," he dismissed the Japanese school system with a shrug.

Akane opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Ran-Ma continued.

"Besides, girls shouldn't waste time on all that bookstuff. It just makes them all unfeminine and crabby."

And the newly elected King of Clueless Chauvinists,by an overwhelming margin... Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Mikato.

Akane crowned him.

"Owww!" Ran-Ma rubbed the side of his head. "Would you quit hittin' me!" He noticed Akane clutching her hand, grimacing in pain.

"Are you OK?"

"No!" Akane snapped, "I am _not_ OK. I think I broke my hand on that chunk of granite you've got in place of a head.

"Here," before she could protest he took her hand between both of his. A delicious warmth, like a spring breeze, seemed to flow up her arm, leaving her refreshed and pain free. Even her head didn't hurt anymore.

"Pretty impressive, isn't it?" Ran-Ma winked at her. "One of the Manly-Virtues is the ability to heal. It's only natural, since the best doctors have always been men-Owww!" He glared at her. "Would you cut that out!"

Akane slipped her shoe back on. "Is there _any_ way to get rid of you?"

"Ummm..." Ran-Ma scratched his head. "Not really. Not until your wish for me to learn about your life is fulfilled." He grinned a little-boy grin while he fiddled with his pig-tail and Akane felt a warm melting feeling in the middle of her tummy.

"But hey, how long could it take to figure out your life? All girls have to think about are clothes an' make-up and stuff."

The warm feeling vanished.

"I don't remember wishing for," She reached up, grabbed him by the ear and pulled him close, "A FRIGGIN PAIN IN THE REAR!"

"Oowie." Ran-Ma whimpered, unable to straighten up due to Akane's vice-like grip on his ear.

"Now, since it looks like I'm stuck with you for the next thousand years-because you've got less ability to learn about my life than a box of instant noodles-would you _please_ try not to destroy Furinkan until _after_ I've taken my entrance exams?" She accompanied her request with a sweet smile, and a twist of her wrist that threatened to rip his ear off his head, Manly-Virtue and godly invulnerability not-withstanding.

After careful consideration, Ran-Ma graciously agreed that she might have a point. "Fine," he snapped, "I don't need this aggravation. Maybe I should call you Crab, instead of Mouse." Conjuring a fire he stepped into the flame... "You just don't know how to have fun." ... and vanished. If he had taken the time to look back, he might have seen a brief flash of pain cross her face, before being replaced with a mask of studied indifference.

* * *

"Aaaaaa! This is _impossible_!" A wadded up piece of paper slammed into the rim of a trash-can and bounced off, to add to the foot high mound that was growing around its base. "It can't be done."

"Havin' problems, Mouse?"

With a tiny shriek, Akane spun around in her chair, left hand pressed to her thundering heart.

"Don't DO that!" She blew on her right hand,shaking it to ease the sting.

"And hello to you," Ran-Ma said, rubbing his cheek. "Tell me, do you greet _all_ your friends like this? Or am I special?" A leering grin, that should have been ridiculous or at least vulgar, was instead smokily sensuous when _he_ did it, and almost earned him another slap.

"You're NOT my friend, in the first place," Akane replied, spinning back around to her desk. "and in the second, go away, I've got work to do." Studiously ignoring him she pulled out another piece of paper and, one eye on her text, began copying an equation.

"Havin' problems?" He leaned over her shoulder, warm breath tickling her ear as he spoke.

"Yes-No-none of your business!" She stuttered,feeling slightly dizzy.

"Everything _you_ do is my business," his mellow baritone poured over her like warm syrup and she fought a sudden urge to lean back against his chest, "at least until your stupid wish is finished . Until then, I'm stuck with you, Mousie-girl." Akane had a new urge... to throttle the arrogant jerk with his own tongue. How _could_ she have fallen for his tricks again? 'Because he's a god' a small voice chided her. (because he's _gorgeous_, another voice whispered)

"Yeah?" She told both voices to shut up. "Well, unless you know how to solve a quadratic equation," she tapped her book with a pencil, "why don't you go stick yourself someplace else?"

"Why Mousie-girl," a chair popped into existence. An over-stuffed Lazy-Boy, Akane noted sourly, "math skill is one of _the_ Manly-Virtues." He glanced at the problem she'd been working on and conjured a note-pad and pencil. "Now, show me what you've been doing?"

Not really believing the self-centered jerk could help, she was so tired of the reached equation she decide she didn't have anything to lose. Besides, she thought nastily, it would be kind of fun to watch him squirm. "Alright ..." she started scribbling on her own paper. "if you've got an equation of the form..."

* * *

" ...so you see," Ran-Ma rapidly sketched an L shaped box, dividing it into two rectangles and a square at the ninety-degree corner. "Let each of these rectangles be equal to 5x and this," he tapped the square, "is X squared." he looked at her to make sure she was following. "Now you know this has an area of X squared + 5x + 5x + 10x. So if you complete the figure with lines of five-units," he quickly added two lines to the L-shaped figure, the area is now..." he looked at her expectantly.

"X squared plus TEN-X plus 25!" Akane said excitedly.

"Right. And from there it's a simple matter to solve for..."

Akane's fingers flew across the paper as she rapidly simplified to get, "X equals three?"

"That's it," Ran-Ma smiled and she grinned back.

"That was so _easy_, once you explained it."

"Ehhh," he shrugged one shoulder, "Nuthin' to it. It's lots easier to see the solution usin' geometry, than just looking at a bunch of equations."

"Well, anyway," He'd been so nice and spent so much time helping her figure out the solution. Maybe she'd been wrong about him. "I want to thank..."

"An don't feel bad about not gettin' it right just don't have the brain for doin' math and stuff."

Maybe not. The warm feeling was replaced by something hotter.

"Are you saying I'm STUPID!"

"Huh?" Ran-Ma looked genuinely puzzled. "You're not stupid," Akane relaxed fractionally. "You're just a girl."

"Owww!" Ran-Ma picked himself off the floor, rubbing his head. "What'd you do THAT for?"

"Ow, ow, ow!" Akane hugged her bruised hand to her chest, hopping up and down. "You _jerk_, I think I broke my

hand on your stupid head."

"Like it's _my_ fault you hit _me_?" Ran-Ma looked at the remains of his Lazy-Boy and sighed. He'd loved that chair.

"Yes!" Akane glowered at the god. "You called me stupid. You said I couldn't do math."

"Well you couldn't," Ran-Ma said with perfect truth, if less than perfect tact.

"You said I couldn't do it because I'm a GIRL!" She made a futile search of her room for something harder than Ran-Ma's head so she could bash him without hurting her other hand.

"Well, you can't." Ran-Ma couldn't figure out what the fuss was all about. "Girls are soft and sweet-smellin' and good at cookin' and havin' babies and stuff."

"Why you... you..." Akane frantically wracked her brain for something vile enough to call Ran-Ma, and came up empty. Not even her small store of "I'll wash your mouth out with soap AND give you a spanking" words were awful enough. "...JERK!" So, she settled for an old standby. "Girls can do anything boys can do!"

"Why'd they want to?" Ran-Ma looked at Akane as if she'd grown a second head. "A man doesn't want to do math with a girl..."

Akane felt as if she were going to explode with rage. "Is _that_ all you ever think about?"

"A girl's supposed to bake cookies an' tell stories an' give hugs an' stuff." Ran-Ma continued, blithely unaware of Akane's building rage. "A man don't want a girl that tries to act like a guy," Akane was turning an interesting shade of puce, "an' she just looks silly tryin'..." There was a grinding sound, like sand in a steam turbine, from the general direction of Akane, accompanied by a tearing-metal sound as the edge of her desk crumpled in her hand. " ...mom's are supposed to make breakfast and walk ya to school the first day an' tuck you in at night an' stuff ..." If Akane had been able to hear over the thundering of her heart she might have heard the wistful note in the godlings voice. "...not pretending they're guys and fightin' -"

It was a really _beautiful_ hammer-hand strike. Perfectly timed and delivered, with the entire power of Akane's fifty-one kilo frame concentrated in the center of her clenched fist. And Ran-Ma was in a perfect position to appreciate it, centered as it was on the point of his chin.

"I-" Akane stalked forward to stand over Ran-Ma's prone body, shaking feeling back into her hand.

"Am-" She stood over him, fisted hands on her hips.

"A martial artist-" Teeth clenched, her chest heaved with the fury of suppressed emotion.

"You JERK!" She bent over the semi-prone godling, giving him a tantalizing view as the top of her shirt gaped wide. She was, he noted with Manly-Virtue, one of those fortunate girls who didn't _need_ to wear a bra.

"Hmmm?" Nice shape, just enough to fill the palm of- "Did you say something?"

Akane noticed where he was looking and jumped back, yanking the top of her blouse closed. "PERVERT!"

"What's with you, anyway?" Ran-Ma rose smoothly to his feet, smoothing a non-existent wrinkle from his night-black trousers.

"You were saying that girls can't do math, can't fight... can't DO anything but cook and clean and... and..."

"Well? They can't." Ran-Ma couldn't understand her problem. Guy's did guy stuff and girls did girl stuff. You didn't see HIM trying to have babies. There was a certain order to the universe and it was just wrong to try and change it.

Akane didn't seem to appreciate his godly wisdom.

"Alright, that's it, you jerk." She stalked to her closet and started pulling out her gi. "I'll see you in the doujou in ten minutes."

"Huh?"

"Get OUT!" She shoved him out of her room, slammed the door, and angrily began to strip off her clothes, pulling on her gi. She'd show that arrogant, perverted so-and-so.

* * *

"This is stupid." Ran-Ma stood in the corner of the doujou, watching Akane warm up with some basic kata. "I'm not going to fight you. Guys don't hit girls. It's not Manly."

"You never hit girls?" Nabiki was setting up another camera, wanting to catch Ran-Ma from several angles.

"Well," Ran-Ma smirked and pulled Nabiki to him, whispering in her ear.

"Oh...," she turned pink. "...my!" She put her palms to heated cheeks and, Akane noted with disgust, _giggled_. "I'd better be careful not to do anything... naughty."

"You're disgusting," Akane snapped, yanking Nabiki away from Ran-Ma. "Leave my sister alone."

"Why don't _you_ leave _me_ alone," Nabiki jerked out of Akane's grasp and went back to stand by Ran-Ma.

"But..." Was _she_ the only one who could see that Ran-ma was treating this all as a big game? That he was like a careless child, who might be sorry after he broke his toys, but the toys would be broken all the same.

"Never mind that,..." she tried to hide the hurt she felt at Nabiki's attitude. Why was _she_ always in the wrong? " ...just get your sorry ass over here and fight."

She settled into a horse-stance and waited for his attack. And waited... and waited.

"Come on-attack me!"

"I don't hit girls." Ran-Ma leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "It ain't Manly." He closed his eyes, as if taking a nap.

"Fine," Akane snapped, stalking up to the infuriating god. "Then _I'll_ hit _you_!"

A Leopard-claw strike, snapped across his eyes, a quick axe-hand double strike to the throat and a snap-kick to his solar-plexus, delivered with text book precision in the space of less than two seconds. As an attack it was flawless; other than the minor defect that she didn't actually _hit_ Ran-Ma.

"You're gonna' get all sweaty doing that." The god commented idly, still leaning against the wall, only now a few inches left of where Akane's fist had impacted.

Akane stared at the cracked wall, then at Ran-Ma. His eyes were still closed! She could feel the rage building until her head threatened to explode. She knew that anger would throw her off center, just as she knew it would bring on one of her headaches. She didn't care anymore.

"This time... for sure." she hissed, channeling her fury into an all out attack.

A spinning high-kick was followed by a Badger-style leg sweep, then a Cobra-fist double strike to the solar plexus in an integrated attack of such ferocity that it was impossible for Ran-Ma to avoid.

Except that he did.

Not matter what she did, what combinations she used, she _always_ attacked where he wasn't. It was like fighting smoke, or trying to hold moon-light in a cup.

"St... stand... still," she gasped, "and fight." Herarms and legs felt like lead and she couldn't seem to get enough air.

"Hey!" Ran-Ma squatted down in front of her, brow slightly creased in concern. "Are you alright?"

The true martial artist is like a mirror, acting and reacting instantly and without thought; as a pool of water reflects, perfectly and without flaw.

The eye saw an opening and the body reacted-instantly and without regard to fatigue or injury -a spear-point strike lanced for his temple. Even depleted as she was, a normal man would have dropped like a stone, possibly with the front of his skull crushed like an empty soda can.

Ran-Ma stopped her killing blow as easily as a man would pluck candy from an infant.

Without pause her free hand sliced forward in an axe- hand to crush his larynx.

That hand was caught and held.

Automatically she brought her knees to her chest, to kick him away, while she flipped up and back, out of his grip. At least that was what _should_ have happened. Her legs _did_ come up, but that was where things started to go wrong. It was like kicking a mountain, and she felt her legs go numb from the shock. As her legs went limp, he pulled her close... much too close.

"Ah, ah," he chided gently as she attempted a head butt, "You're cute when you're playing at martial arts, but if you don't settle down I'm gonna have to give you a spanking."

Playing! She was choking with rage. She'd show _him_ who was-

"Now Mouse," his voice was a seductive rumble that she could feel down in her bones. "if you don't quit wigglin' I'm gonna' think you _want_ a spanking."

"You-wouldn't-dare!" she hissed.

He would too, she could see it in his eyes. Bile almost strangled her, but she managed to control her temper, at the price of a headache that almost blinded her with pain.

"Ahhh, Mousie-girl," he almost seemed distressed at her pain. But that was impossible. "you need to learn to relax." His hands made large slow circles on her back, and she felt herself go limp as a delicious warmth flooded her body and her aches and pains were washed away.

"Now, you just sit right there," he settled her comfortably in a corner, "and I'll show you how it's done."

He started slowly, with basic kata, but as crisp and precise as if he were a machine. Then, moving faster and faster, he moved through the empty hand systems, Sumai,Kumi-uchi, Juujutsu of the ancient type, Aikidou and ten ways of walking and the five infallible ways of escaping as devised by the Koga ninja over three hundred years earlier, and the "invincible spirit-dragon-hand", lost for two hundred years.

Faster and faster, his hands cracking through the air, he leapt and whirled through Northern Wu-tang, then Southern style. First hard, then soft. A bewildering array of fighting techniques blended smoothly, one into the other. The stark wrestling techniques of India and Pakistan, spartan in their simplicity. Burmese 'Bando', Tai 'Chai-ron', Greek 'Mu-Tau' and a dozen other that she didn't have a name for. He didn't _do_ martial arts, he _was_ martial arts; a living weapon. He spun through the air, as if gravity was an illusion, and landed, lightly as a panther in front of her. His sky-blue eyes were cold and bleak as an arctic winter.

'_I am war_'

Akane felt her bones turn to water.

'_I am death_'

She could hear the scream of war, smell the stench of death as carrion birds tore rotting flesh from the defeated.

'_I am man_'

"Wow!" Nabiki looked up from her camera. "That was fantastic. I got some really great..."

Nabiki didn't understand, she couldn't know, Akane thought in despair. Never breaking eye-contact, as if she were faced with a mad dog, she braced against the wall and pushed herself to her feet. One of Ran-Ma's "Manly-Virtues" was war. Killing. And he was very, very good at it. If he ever fought her for real... he would crush her like a bug. No, it probably wouldn't take that much effort.

Ran-Ma watched Akane's expression change, from bewilderment, to awe... to horror. And then, the hopeless determination of someone on the losing end of a fight, determined _to_ fight until there was nothing left.

"Mousie ..." He took a single concerned step toward her, before the look in her eyes stopped him.

She straightened and made a perfectly and precisely correct bow; student to teacher.

"Thank you, sensei," Ran-Ma winced at her toneless voice, "for your lesson."

"Boy, that was great," Nabiki grabbed onto his arm as Akane turned and moved slowly from the doujou. "You've got to see this." she tugged him over to one of her cameras. "Some of it's kinda blurry... I need to get a faster camera next time. But this is gonna _clean up_ with the kung-fu freaks. Hey, what about next time we set you up to fight some people. I could get Akane to work cheap, and people go for that mixed fighting stuff. You could maybe rip her clothes, show a little skin..."

Tuning Nabiki out, Ran-Ma watched Akane disappear into the dark. He'd wanted to teach her a lesson about girls sticking with girl stuff and guys sticking to guy stuff. He'd taught her a lesson. He just wasn't sure which one.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Ah, Verdandi-sama... no one makes sweetfish and bamboo shoots like you do." Ran-Ma finished his meal with an appreciative sigh.

"Thank you Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Miketo," the slender young woman smiled sweetly and, with a graceful movement, produced a tiny china pot. "Tea?"

"Thank you."

Even the commonplace task of pouring tea was made into a serene, almost votive act, and it was impossible to imagine Verdandi, under any circumstances, as rushed or flustered. She was, Ran-Ma thought, an example of feminineperfection; delicate, shy, refined... He examined her with an experienced eye, mentally undressing her to take stock of hersoft breasts, wide, womanly hips-angry brown eyes replaced Verdandi's soft blue ones and a small, hard fist impacted the side of his head. '_Pervert!'_

"Ame-no-Toktaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Miketo, are you all right?" Verdandi looked at her guest in concern. He had gotten _such_ a look on his face. "Does your head hurt?"

"What?" Ran-Ma looked startled at the question. "No. Why do you ask?"

"You're rubbing it as if it ached."

"Ah ..." Ran-Ma yanked his hand into his lap, flushing slightly. " ...no. Just... just thinking of something." He smiled at his hostess. "It's nothing important. Thank you for asking though."

"It's very nice of you to take the time to call on me," Verdandi said, deftly clearing the table. "I enjoy hearing the news from home." With only a few movements the room was returned to pristine orderliness, radiating a feeling of calm, welcoming warmth. The ultimate ideal of Womanly-Virtue, producing a comfortable, secure nest for her family. The perfect nest was suddenly overlaid with the image of an overflowing trash can, scattered athletic equipment and debris that looked like the aftermath of a typhoon. The precise and perfectly imperfect opposite of the gentle and refined goddess sitting across from him.

* * *

Note from contributor:

Well, this concludes Heaven's Mirror, so don't expect any new chapters uploaded, hope you're satisfied Armichi.


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